bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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