Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Randomize
