She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
