Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
