i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
