he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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