maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
