not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
