I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
