forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
