I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize