So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
