I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
