got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
