The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
