connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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