My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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