Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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