I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
