New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
