get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize