you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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