the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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