pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize