its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
