Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I AM VODKA MAN
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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