A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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