"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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