Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
