Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
