the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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