if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
