Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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