PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Barsexuality is the new black.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
