I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
