from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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