The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
two words...techno handjob
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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