Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My pussy is not your playground.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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