the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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