he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
