i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
birth control should be required to get into college
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
