do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There's always time for handjobs
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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