What did we do last night that was yellow?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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