We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
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