if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
