lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
