I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
