I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
