Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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