I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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