I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This is the high leading the old right now
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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