If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
