Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
