The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
