i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
