i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
