Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
