i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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