The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
