I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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