I wish life had little blips of pornography
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize