she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
